Allison was pretty much off the bike for the entire month of January. This has left me out of sorts, and things still aren't back to normal. I can't just tag along on her training rides and stare at her cute butt for hours. I have had to do a lot of long solo rides. I did hook up with a few buddies for a couple mountain rides, and they were awesome rides, but I miss my wife terribly on the bike. Mostly I have droned out tons of road miles with nothing to keep me company but the angry people in cars. I guess this marks a transition, I am not sure when it occurred, that I no longer just desire to train to keep up with my wife. I am doing this for me, for my health, for my sanity. I guess I am just as obsessed as my wife. Not that this is good or bad, but I hadn't realized the transition point. I no longer need her for motivation to train. I think that is good.
Another negative impact is that without Allison on the rides there are no pictures. This isn't to say that I didn't take a ton of pictures before, it just means that without someone to share the ride with, or time to post a blog, pictures just sit on my camera (or phone) and I have lost interest. This makes for much less than stellar blogging!
So what do I have to show for my efforts?
-I still have a job. I keep waking up in the middle of the night wondering when the layoff will hit. Hoping that I am not part of it. Thinking about the plan of action if the worst happens. The feeling I can relate it to is in a race, if you are out front and running scared with no idea how far back the next guy is. I don't like this feeling. There is a dark cloud behind me somewhere and I don't know if I can evade it. Bleh. I am good at what I do and replacing my skill set and motivation isn't easy so that is what I hope helps me weather this storm when so many others are suffering loss.
-I also am absolutely in the best shape of my life. At no point have I ever been even close to where I am at now physically. I keep thinking of how far away it seems that I was a 240lbs fat ass. (Or a busted up cyclist with no idea how long it would take, or how complete of a recovery I would have.) It wasn't that long ago really. I got a reminder last night when we saw a lot of people we hadn't seen in a couple years. Lots of cool feedback from others, but the real benefit is just that I feel good. I am healthy. A nice side effect is I can also have a lot of fun riding and racing bikes! (it is a very different fun than when I was fat and not anything like when I was broken!)
Not many people will read this far into a bunch of text on my random blog, but those that do get to here can be assured that I am back from my injuries last April. Yeah I have pain. Yeah my neck and my knee bug me. They don't slow me down much. I got really lucky. I have tried to learn from my mistake. I have done my best to take all that I could from being injured, off the bike, out of work, etc. and learn from it. I think it gives me a different perspective on many areas of life. Last night I realized talking to some people that I wouldn't change it if I could. Having extreme lows gives us perspective. If that is the lowest I ever get (I consider it lower than being a lard ass) then I am one really lucky guy and I need to remember not to take all the little shit for granted that I so often did. New motto, "Enjoy the fucking day." Also, "Keep your fucking head up."
There are downsides to all this. I miss riding with my wife. I hope this is temporary. I hope things go back to me barely hanging onto her wheel. I hope to be filled with pride and joy that she is back at the top of her game. I don't think it is the same for her, seeing me riding and racing well, as it is for me when I get to see her as one of the best in the U.S.A. because I am not on that sort of level and never could be. I wouldn't miss being relegated to photographing her on the podium for anything in the world. I do what I can to support her, but in the end it is 100% out of my control as to what happens (I hate this feeling too,). I know she isn't happy and little pieces of me die when that happens.
So racing season starts and things are a little out of the ordinary but I am looking forward to it! Hopefully I will post up some good race blogs about epic battles no matter the finishing position. In the mean time I have done a few tune up races at SRC. The first one had a decent showing and I put in the third fastest time of the day winning CAT1 35-39 by several minutes. The second one was yesterday and I won the Open/Pro category (with a very dismal turnout, sort of a hollow victory).
Here's to fun on the bike and staying healthy (and hopefully keeping my job)!
