Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Carry on.

It has been a long time since I posted a blog.  Lots of the stuff I have wanted to write were just not things to share with the masses, so I have kept them to myself.

The past year has brought vast changes.  Things I loved have gone never to return.  Things I lost, among them a lot of inches on my waist line, have come back to haunt me.  I fear the race is lost to the fat man that was chasing me, a visage that was never far from mind when racing my mountain bike or spinning away miles on the road bike.  Looking back I can recall making the decisions that set this chain of events in motion.  I definitely own the outcome of this train wreck, wherever it winds up.

Some positive things have happened, though at this point it is hard to appreciate them.  I am doing my best.  I will keep grinding, chipping away.  It is the only way I know how.  My parents didn't raise a quitter.  I am not even sure what quitting means, only that I cringe and scour at the thought.

I do occasionally find a blindingly bright bit of happiness in the haze and gloom, so it isn't all bad.

It sure as fuck ain't Crested Butte, or any other of the many spectacular mountain campsites I have had...

...but I got to get outside and ride with my wife.

Maybe the hard work and dedication will pay off.  It seems the things I want most are however not at all directly correlated with my efforts.  Most of the time I feel stuck in a quagmire, the more I try the faster I sink. I am working on learning to let go.  Though it seems I am hard wired to try and "fix" things.

I hope to roost all over this bullshit and leave it in the past some day.

Till then I will keep tapping away like Andy with the tiny rock hammer.  Knowing this isn't where I belong, toiling to escape.